HOW TO USE THIS WEBSITE
When you click on the Family Resource Guide, you will find educational material on the topics needed to organize your personal information, which are separated into sections.
Please note that at the end of each section there is a link to the data pages that match that section, which are used to record your personal information. These data pages are also available in the Resources section. These can be downloaded and printed for your use.
An estate is like a jigsaw puzzle, and each piece contains vital information that your family or estate administrator will need at a time of crisis. Without the entire picture, your heirs must spend countless hours searching for what they need.
You can make your own list of information on a spreadsheet, table or simply a word processing document of your choice. Your family will need to know how to contact your family and friends, neighbors, advisors, employer(s) and vendors such as insurance companies, banks, utilities, phone, internet, garbage, water, solar, health care provider, any other types of services or sources of income. Include the account number, and any other identifying information they will need.
Also include all your personal information that would be used on a death certificate, such as your date and place of birth, social security number, the names of father, mother’s maiden name and where they were born.
There are numerous workbooks on the market that may or may not have data pages to complete.
Recording all the information they will need is a “Gift of Love” that only you can provide for them.
This overview contains information and suggestions on how to deal with catastrophic loss,be it loss of property (as a result from a natural disaster), incapacity, or loss of loved onesthrough death.
NOTE: The information provided here is not intended to replace counsel of legal or financial advisors or other professionals who are certified or registered with state or federal entities. You are encouraged to utilize the services of these professionals in their fields of expertise. The organization of your estate information is used in conjunction with these resources to ensure that your family is prepared.
The Family Resource Guide contains background information which will be of assistance when getting your personal information recorded.
The following is a list of documents which contain the information needed to complete your lists. You may wish to take a few moments to gather these prior to starting this project.
Statements for
• Insurance Policies: Health, dental, long-term care, life, disability, pet, homeowners or renters, automobile, umbrella, etc.
• Loans, bank accounts, credit union information, brokerage firm accounts
• Credit cards
• Safe deposit box inventory
• Personal address book, city phone book, contents of your wallet
• Passports
• Wills or trust documents, marriage/adoption/death certificates, divorce final decree
• Durable powers of attorney for health and financial matters
• Real Estate Deeds, Parcel numbers
• Stock certificates – or a list containing number of shares, company, and certificate number if not held through a brokerage firm.
• Savings bonds
• Military discharge papers/ VA Claim number, if applicable.
• Medicare information – card or any explanation of benefit form from visit to a physician.
• Car and bicycle registrations
Start thinking about what you would like in the way of a funeral or memorial service; choices for burial or cremation; obituary information, etc. To assist your family, we will be addressing these issues.
Death makes us uncomfortable. Many of us cannot even say the “D” word, let alone consider that it will happen to me. We don't want to think about it, talk about it or plan for it. We think that if we ignore it, it will go away or we say “I'll think about it later, when I'm in the process.” There is a mystique about death, and a superstition that if we talk about death or face the realities involved, then death will occur faster. However, in this book, we are going to “get real,” and talk about death for what it is—a natural part of life. There is a 100 percent chance that you will die! How you handle that, and how well you prepare for death, will have a major effect on those you love. “There is a direct correlation between how we face death and prepare our families and their ability to survive, adjust and eventually recover from grief.”™jks
It all boils down to this challenge:
Are you willing to face your own fear, past hurts, and pain
and lovingly prepare your family to survive after your death?
The concept of “Estate Organization” developed from the following experience. My husband, Dave, was scheduled to have hernia surgery. The evening before he was to be admitted to the hospital, he insisted that we spend time going over everything I should do, just in case something happened to him during surgery. We spent time that evening discussing the location of life insurance policies and discharge papers, issues of social security benefits, who to call at work, benefits available through work, etc. We discussed his wishes to be cremated and the type of service he wanted. Dave expressed his confidence that I could handle anything that should happen. His wish was that I would find a father for the children (our 2-year-old son and 7- month-old daughter) and a husband for myself. He left the house, with his conscience at ease, to have our income taxes prepared. On the way home from that appointment, his car was struck by a drunk driver. He was killed instantly.
I experienced the shock, fear, disbelief, and physical pain that is normal. But I also felt loved and treasured, knowing that Dave had done his very best to prepare me for widowhood! It was fresh in my mind, and this was indeed a gift of love that surpassed all concept of time!
My reason for starting the field of estate organization was to facilitate this same gift for your family! That was 30 years ago, and this gift of love has proved priceless to so many families
There are a number of fears and issues that arise when the concept of death is contemplated. When we talk about these and accept how they affect us, we find we can work through them and reach a greater acceptance of death.
Many of us don't want to think about death, because we have had past experiences of loss and pain. The memories may include unresolved grief issues. We remember, sometimes all too well, the pain involved with losing someone we love. There may be unresolved anger, bitterness, feelings of abandonment, guilt over those “if onlys” and “what ifs,” as well as intense loneliness. We may have stuffed those feelings or unintentionally denied those emotions for a long time. The fear of facing them may have become a huge barrier in dealing with the concept of our own mortality.
This seems to be a major obstacle. I could write chapters about our fears of the unknown, for there are so many unknowns to consider. Beyond the basic one of “How will I ever exist without you?” Others include fears based on lack of knowledge in the areas of:
• Estate planning decisions and estate administration
• Family traditions and honoring loved ones' decisions
Then there are the very personal fears:
• How and when am I going to die?
• Will I go gracefully?
• Is there pain
• What happens afterwards?
Unresolved relationship problems, family discord, or unfulfilled dreams have a deep effect upon our acceptance of the fact that there is a limited time in which to resolve these issues. It’s difficult to contemplate our own mortality, when there is an area of unrest in our lives. Now is the time to mend fences and relationships. This can also be the time to realistically review those unfulfilled dreams and expectations, evaluate their priority on your “Bucket List” and schedule them accordingly. It's never too late to write that book or learn to foreign language.
These are the most personal and probably the most important issues and concepts that you will address as you think about your own death. People are spiritual beings. We have all been taught certain beliefs. As we consider the end of life as we know it, we must examine and determine for ourselves if what we thought we believed is true. Dying is a solitary act. Our loved ones may be there beside us in the final moments here, but dying is something we do alone. Therein lies the basis of our greatest concern: What comes next?
This, too, is a toughie! We all have a basic reluctance to closely examine our lives and take responsibility for our past actions, the consequences of those actions (or inactions), and our present situations. This directly relates back to unresolved relationship problems, incomplete dreams, and spiritual issues. As difficult as this life review may be, I can only encourage you to find the courage, work through the layers, and reach peace of mind.
Estate Organization will gently and softly challenge you in these areas. When your lists are completed, you will discover three things:
• You did have the courage to face some fears.
• It wasn't as hard as you had thought it would be.
• You have created a gift of love for your family and peace of mind for yourself.
The remainder of this family resource guide contains information thought to be ofparticular educational value as you complete your information lists.